Starting a conversation that involves your parents moving out from their home, “whether it’s just down the street ”, in the same city, or across the county “can cause an uproar.”
If you start the conversation off with, “I think you need to move in with me.” Unless they were thinking of moving in with you, you might be faced with a little bit of resistance.
So here are three ways you should not ask your parent(s) to move in with you:
“I think you are not able to handle things on your own anymore.I think it’s best if you move in with me.”
“You’re getting a bit too old to do your own cooking and cleaning. I think it’s best you pack up, sell all your stuff, and move in with me.”
“After the fall you just had, how are you ever going to manage on your own?”
All three statements come from a place of disempowerment and the main goal of this conversation is to let your parent(s) feel safe. Whether it is actually them selling their house, packing up, and moving into your house, you still need to find an organization that can help with certain chores and daily duties that might be get a little overwhelming for your parent(s).
I know if one of my daughters came up to me and said any of the previous statements , I would hear, “You’re not coping with life very well, time to throw in the towel, and let me take over.”
A lot of people are sensitive and the way you approach the topic can be a little tricky.
Asking your parent(s) to move in with you has to be approached with a little humanity. You already know if they are ultra sensitive or not,so being a detective can actually help you approach them and ask the question. If you notice that certain things are not being done around the house ,such as newspapers aren’t being picked up from the front porch or if there is a pile of unopened mail on the table, these are clear signs that something is just not the same as before.
This is where your detective skills come in handy. Take a look at the newspapers and unopened mail and take note of the earliest dates.
By checking the dates, you will get an idea of how long it has been going on.
Now use the clues you have found to help you start some dialogue:
“I’ve noticed you’re starting up a collection of newspapers on the front porch, what are your thoughts about hiring someone to come in two to three times a week to help you out?”
“I just take a look in the fridge and noticed that a lot of the food and milk has gone bad, what are your thoughts on coming to live with me?”
When it comes from a place of love and compassion, there is less of a chance to be misunderstood. When you ask for their opinion on the matter, you’re also giving some power back to them.
With that being said, your parent(s) may not take you up on your offer the very first time you bring it up. You might have to ask them a couple times, before they agree. Even just talking about it can provide some relief for both parties.
And for the most part, your parent(s) will know when things are not the same anymore. When things change in life, we tend to ignore it at first, like when your first grey hair pops up, what do you do? You pull it out right? The same thing happens to us when we become seniors. But this time around we might not be able to hide the evidence.